My. My, how time has flown by. Miles and I are in our last few weeks left in India. It is a very bittersweet time for us. While we are greatly excited to be near our dear families again we are deeply saddened at the thought of leaving behind our Chennai families and close friends we have made here. Daniel (our Logos replacement) has arrived this week and will be living with us until our departure date which is approaching rapidly. The remainder of our time left will be training him and getting things ready to pass everything entirely over to Daniel to carry the torch on for us as we leave. I have already begun packing.
This has been home for us. India will always hold a very dear and special place in our hearts and we are praying that this is not the last time we are here. We would love to come back and enjoy all this fabulous city and country has to offer.
India, what a year we have had! Many friends, and many good times, and many memories. Our lives forever changed, for the better... And the adventure continues....
Our time in India is quickly coming to an end. In fact, we only have three more weeks here...sad. Before we go, we decided to take a quick trip to Sri Lanka with our friends Ann and Taylor. Ann and Taylor work in Sparky's American Diner here in Chennai. We have really enjoyed getting to know them and their friendship has been a valuable part of our year here. We decided to go to Negombo, a town outside of Colombo with great beaches. We were able to get a nice hotel that was right on the beach and had a great pool.
We spent most of our time either playing in the waves of the India Ocean, relaxing in the pool, or reading and soaking up the sun. It was a great time for us to spend some time with friends that we'll be missing soon and relax before we begin our transition back home. Plus it was nice to make sure we come back from our year of perpetual summer sufficiently tanned.
There are so many things swimming in my head right now. Anger towards yet another news story hitting about a woman (a young girl actually) raped, beaten and then stoned. Outraged that such atrocities happening to women all over the world but especially to women here in India. It is hard to believe that dowsing women in gasoline and lighting them on fire, torture, rape, domestic violence of many kinds resulting in "kitchen accidents" (a cover up excuse for death) happens not just once in a while but OFTEN to women in India. The stories I have heard are chilling and although I am thankful it seems the awareness is spreading globally there is still so much that needs to be done. From my standpoint it is not enough to shake our heads and walk away. My mind is reeling for what I can DO. A helpless feeling as I am not sure there is anything I CAN do. For now, I guess I am praying for and dreaming of a better world for girls and women across India.
Dowry in India The reason I am writing again about dowry is because so many of the atrocities done to women in India are over dowry disputes and as promised I wanted to share more. The original purpose of a dowry had completely honorable intentions. The dowry was to provide money or property of some sort in preparation for and the establishment of a new household. It was also to ensure protection and basic support for a family should the husband suddenly pass away. This has morphed into a disgusting practice of a “bride price” system. Although it is illegal to forcefully demand or take dowries in India today as I mentioned before it is still widely practiced. In current India, the parents of a baby girl are thinking of dowry at her birth. It is customary based on the family’s standing in society to come up with a “suitable” amount set aside for her dowry. There have been horrible stories of the groom's family “agreeing” to one amount of dowry and after the bride is married (and I might add, no longer a virgin) demanding more from the bride's parents. Threats of divorce are often used to entice the bride's parents to give more dowry. In a country where shame is brought down on the divorcee, parents of the bride will do whatever they can to save their daughters this shame. The threat of physical violence is often used and can end up in terrible physically harmful situations for the new bride. Even if the bride's parents are able to scrape together more dowry, they cannot continue doing so forever and eventually the new bride is either sent home in shame or sometimes killed in an "accident".
According to an article entitled The Burning Bride, “ in the last eight years more than 4,000 women have died from ‘kitchen accidents’, or "Choola", which consists of dousing the victim with a flammable agent, either by the husband or with the help of his family, and setting her alight…One of the most abhorrent aspects of Choola is that when and if the bride survives, she is considered ‘bad luck’ and summarily ostracized by the husband and family, leaving the husband free to acquire a new bride.” Also according to this same article “A UNDP study in Bangladesh reports, ‘The incidence of physical and verbal abuse of wives due to non-fulfillment of dowry obligations by their fathers is so high that it is almost considered a norm’ “.
I have seen beggars on the streets shriveled, discolored skin of women here in Chennai and wondered what happened to them and now it seems likely they were victims of choola. Horrific and appalling that this happens at all let alone often.
According to STATUS OF WOMEN AND GIRL CHILDREN IN INDIA.2002 report. (please read) (COMPILED FROM INTERNET SOURCES including census data.current, HDI.report, and Research from NGOs like Chetna, Sakshi and CRY)
• 1 woman is raped every 32 minutes. • 1 woman is sexually harassed every 12 minutes. • 1 woman is murdered due to dowry demands every 66 minutes • One woman faces torture in her marital relationship every 11 minutes. •More than half of Indian teenage girls think it is OK for a husband to beat his wife, under certain circumstances..
Often people do not realize the dowry system has repercussions in many different areas other than the obvious horrible one stated above. It is daunting to families of limited means to give birth to daughters because it means money and possibly money they do not have to educate her and provide dowry for her future. Although pregnant women are encouraged not to find out the gender of their babies here in India, you can easily see why they do and bribe doctors to tell them the gender. It is jaw dropping how many baby girls are aborted, and newborn girls left in fields or clay pots to die today because they simply cannot afford her, as opposed to having a boy. Some Heartbreaking, but it is fact, and a common problem in India today. According to the same research previously mentioned
•1 out of every 6 girls does not live to see her 15th birthday. •Of the 12 million girls born in India, 1 million do not see their first birthday. •Every sixth girl child's death is due to gender discrimination.
Even if the girl child does escape female infanticide she can fall victim to parent’s negligence and die of malnutrition or other sever unnecessary deaths because of sheer neglect. The United Nations Children’s Fund estimated that up to 50 million girls and women are ‘missing’ from India’s population because female infanticide, abortions, or high mortality of the girl child due to negligence.
Does this shock you? It should. This isn’t something happening years and years ago that we can say has changed. It is today- CURRENT India. I struggle with these statistics. I struggle to find that this is accepted and eyes look away from this happening to our GIRLS! I say “ours” because we are all God’s children and what do we do to save God’s Girls who were fearfully and wonderfully made according to the Scriptures and whom He loves. ?????????????????
Like I said, my heart is stirred…it has taken me weeks to write this post as my heart has been hurting for these baby girls… The stories have shaken me and wakened a deep compassion and genuine love for these women and girls. I have intense respect for the hardships they have to face and compassion as they are trying to survive in a cold world where they have no voice. A lot has to change and I hope that it will not just be dreaming for India soon, but it will be a better world for India's girls.
Today is the 2 year anniversary of losing my Little due to a ruptured ectopic around 10 weeks. I know that God holds the Master Plan and I rest in His plans being perfect, but I am sad today, and cannot help but wonder, and remember...
In The Wrong Place at the Right Time Hoping, praying for such a long time for the someday baby who would be mine Month after month failing the test trying so hard refusing to rest But then came a day when the lines became two at last my dream was about to come true With my hand on my belly I was touching my baby to be and looking forward to the day when you I would see But then came the pain so sharp and so strong I couldn't believe that things could go wrong My baby is growing the heartbeat echoes in my heart but baby was not where baby should start How could this happen, when for so long I had dreamed Please don't take my baby I begged and I screamed Can you not fix this, can you save the life? the pain cuts through me as sharp as a knife They tell me that I will die if it is not done so instead of two I once again become one I will always remember that you wanted to be but you had to go because instead they saved me I loved you so, and I think of you every day my teeny tiny baby who got lost on the way In heaven there is angel of mine who was in the wrong place at the right time. -Kathy Burmer
Baby, we think of you and wonder what life would be would you look like your dad or would you look like me. We never got to hold you, never got to see your smile all we know is you were inside me but only for a little while. The love between parents and a child shall never part, you may never be in our arms but you'll always be in our hearts. -Tasha Anderson
Dear Baby, I never got to see your face or even give you a name but in my heart, you hold a special place and for that, I would never be the same. I’ll never hear you laugh or cry, or hold you in my arms tenderly... But I will still love you endlessly. Missing you deeply... ~Today and always.
Corruption.It is part of the “4 Ps” Have you heard of the 4 P's? They are the 4 things wrong with India.#1) Population, #2) Pollution, #3) Politics.The #4) Pakistan. (India and Pakistan do NOT get along) So now you know the 4 P's.
Regardless of that, my point is that India is known for its political corruptions on a number of different levels.Everyone knows about it, and it is never hidden but it is more prominent especially come election time. Today, April 13th, is election day and in the last few weeks people were buzzing about the local elections.
Political leaders here in India go to great lengths (outrageous really) to make sure that they are re-elected. One thing India is known for is people. Lots of people. So if you have the numbers behind you and some persuasive tricks up your sleeve you are pretty much guaranteed the spot of your choice in government whether local or state. How about handing out free Plasma flat screen TV's? Yup. Seriously.Free TV’s.It has also been known that certain campaigns will go into the outskirts of neighborhood villages and bring enough alcohol into the villages to get every man and woman drunk and then truck them into town to vote forcing them to vote for their particular party.Promises are also made of more alcohol or even better, clean drinking water facilities or some such other nonsense that is never actually given.
Although it has happened and not an uncommon sight for the slums here in India to all be hooked up to cable and plasma TV’s be in every makeshift, mud and garbage cardboard home.I am not kidding.I would love to have a picture to prove this to you, but it is the truth.People who live in the worst living conditions in the world here in India, so impoverish, and hungry, and barely clothed can have a nicer flat screen than an average American as long as they vote the way of the these persuasive but incredibly corrupt politicians. Isn't this just crazy?
During election season you are not allowed to be in public meetings of any kind after 9:00 PM. To some this is serious oppression but I suppose it makes sense if there is so much political corruption going on.
I read an article today that is trying to prevent all parties to do this sort of thing, to trick or skew the vote. I am not sure if it will actually do anything to prevent such occurrences in the future, but at least they are tyring to do something to stop it. Corruption like this stems out further as the offering and taking of bribes is so commonplace. If you want to get your luggage that was lost you pay a bribe. If you want to actually progress in a line (ANY LINE) you can bribe. If you get pulled over for a traffic violation you are supposed to pay the cop. If you want your passport to be printed or reissued you bribe.
This is every day occurrence we have even participated in from time to time to ensure we got what we needed when we needed it. The country encourages this, and it is flat out corruption affecting all levels of society. India is one of the 140 countries that has signed the UN Convention against corruption. There are some major campaigns in circulation trying to ratify the Convention. But signing alone is not enough. The government is under no pressure to make its anti-corruption laws stricter. This is a video from this website I found asking the people of India to come together and let their government know the importance of changing these ideals into laws that actually punish those to are undermining democracy—undermining India. Big names in Bollywood and respected Caste members have gone on hunger strikes to ensure a less corrupt government election season.
For the last few weeks there have been random police checkpoints set up where the police pull you aside to check your car for large quantities of cash being smuggled to particular places for corrupt government parties. Millions of dollars have been confiscated this way by the police. One car alonehad the equivalent of over 9 Million US dollars that was confiscated during a random police checkpoint here in Chennai just this last week. So much corruption and on so many levels makes this a tough battle to fight.This election day might be interesting.
I am missing my Grammie today. She died 5 years ago today. She has been in my thoughts all day. Well, she is in my thoughts every day. My Grammie would have loved this picture. A friend e-mailed this to me a few years ago and I have loved it! It always reminded me of Grammie. She loved elephants. I remember collecting any elephant sticker i found growing up so that I could mail them to her to stick on her walking cane. She had a pretty good collection from all us grandkids if I remember right. I cannot help but think of her every time I see an elephant whether it is just a hand carved figurine, a giant statue made of stone or a real one parading up and down the streets of Jaipur. Grammie actually spent quite some time here (several months) in India ministering to a lady Missionary friend here. Grammie Jean was such a special lady to me and often makes me tear up to think of how much I miss her. I miss her so much it hurts! There is so much here I want to share with her...and so many times I wanted to hear your voice, her advice, and just talk, give her my arm to help her walk, and her hugs!
Oh I miss those hugs. She is now in Heaven, singing and dancing with the angels. I also love to think that perhaps Jesus has a very special role for her in Heaven snuggling and loving on lots of special babies there that have no earthly Mommies to snuggle them, just like she did for me as she was the first Mommy I can remember. Don't you think that would be the perfect Heavenly role for her? I like that thought. Goodness that makes me cry all over again. Well, I am missing her today. I am comforted as I feel like I am surrounded with things she would love. I am privileged to get to see both India and elephants here like she did and I think she would liked to know that I am here in a place that she loved and amidst the creatures she loved so much.I know she is in a better place now, but I sure wish she were still here on this Earth with me. I miss you Grammie. -Your Jenny
March 8th marked the 100th anniversary of International Women's Day. This day was marked with great celebration. Many of the ladies from my church here in India(Powerhouse) have started this organazation they call WOW. Women of Worth. Beautiful name and rich with purpose. WOW held an event at our local mall (Exprss Avenue) which celebrated women here in Chennai. We approached and welcomed hudreds of women and invited to come. We had speakers from World Vision and Internation Justice Mission along with other NGO's who set up booths about their organizations. This event was not a womens rights activist sort of event but rather a day set aside to celebrate women, tell them they are of worth, look into the many issues still in India today that harm women, and raise awareness for women and children who go missing in India everyday. There was also a concert featuring many local artists including the WOW band! They all performed fabulously and drew quite a crowd. I was very proud to volunteer at this event and hopefully will have more opportunities to do so in the near future. I helped promote the WALL OF WORTH. This was a fabulous idea (Thank you Post It for sponsoring this event for us and donating all our post its) It was a giant wall that women could stick Post Its on and it created a hidden mosaic type pattern when filled. We had every women we could find write two things on the Green and Pink post its. The green pieces were "problems" in India regarding women, or things that still needed to change by way of or for women. The pink Post Its represented positive progress or things that have happened over the last 100 years that benefited women of India and across the world. It was a beautiful wall and so neat to see all these women coming together to write things on this wall.
Reading the items on this wall would fill you with the whole spectrum of emotions from incredibly proud and moved, to intensely angry and deeply sad. (Especially under the green colored Post Its.) There are still so many "problems" women face every day in India. I am talking basic women's rights, freedoms, and respect. Mere value being placed on a woman here in India is difficult when women feel the color of their skin determines their attractiveness. This is a toxic notion that is widely believed that the fairer or lighter your skin tone the more attractive you are and therefore of higher worth. Several other issues commonly seen today regarding women are inequality in the workplace, domestic violence, female infanticide (abortions if the baby is found out to be female) and another issue (and often the reason for the infanticide) is Dowry.
Dowry is illegal in India and there are laws supposedly protecting women from this atrocity, however illegal or not, it is still widely practiced in India. The original purpose of a dowry had completely honorable intentions. The dowry was money or gifts from the bride’s parents to her to provide money or property of some sort in preparation for and the establishment of a new household. It was also to ensure protection and basic support for a family should the groom suddenly pass away. This has morphed into a disgusting practice of a “bride price” system. Dowry is now usually gifts of money, property and other wealth which are given to the groom's family for him to see fit to do with what he wishes. Often these days we hear of new cars, money, college education paid for, and allotments of gold offered to the groom for marrying and making a "good match" to their daughter by way of dowry. Families that cannot afford large dowries may be harassed for more money by the groom and his family. Threats of great harm to bride to be or new bride usually follow if the money is not received before the wedding or "enough" money/items are not given which can result in horrible beatings, burns, shameful divorce, and sometimes even death as the new bride winds up killed in “an accident”. (More to come on this later.) Some poorer families take out large loans (wedding loans) they cannot afford, tricked into thinking they should take the money for the future dowries of their daughters, and are then trapped in bonded labor as there is no way they can afford to pay the money back. (I will post more about the dowry issues in a later post.) But this reveals the twisted form dowry has taken and how it is responsible for the degradation of women.
There are many issues still here putting women in a place of disrespect and moving towards proving to these women that they are valued is very difficult. They are rated by the fairness of their skin, and told by their own parents how much they are worth by way of their dowry and this is not even mentioning the abuse, rape, and overall atrocities done to many women in India every day.
10 Things We Can Do to Make the World a Better Place for Women and Girls
1. Educate your sons and daughters equally. 2. Value the girl child. 3. Tell yourself everyday: “I am of value.” 4. Don’t support or endorse the giving or taking of dowry. 5. Don’t endure domestic violence. Report it and get help! 6. Dark is Beautiful– never make negative remarks about a person’s skin tone. 7. Treat the women in your life– your maids, daughters, mothers, mothers-in-law– with respect. 8. Don’t support female infanticide or sex determination tests during pregnancy. 9. Be quick to encourage and build up women; slow to judge and criticize. 10. Look after your health– the world needs you!
A lot of things need to change here in India regarding women and it can start with this list of 10 things practicing and teaching others to value women. Letting them KNOW that they are of worth and importance and that that worth doesn’t come from the color of their skin, or a wealthy family who can afford lavish weddings beyond their means and offering huge dowry of gold and brand new cars, and then producing only male children. That is not putting value on them and teaching all women that they are of worth. There is a long way to go but this event was a small way to hopefully spread this word and get people thinking differently on this issue. Way to go WOW! Keep it up!
The word needs to get out there and it starts with you being the CHANGE. So everyone, please join us and , BE THE CHANGE!
